August 27, 2001

  • Today one of my best friends has a broken heart. She is a foster parent. Three years ago she got a call asking her to take a sibling group, two girls and one boy. After learning more about them, she said yes. They were aged 3 years, 2 years and 9 months old. The first time I saw them, I felt sure she was given the wrong age on the baby for sure, and the others had to be younger than she was told. We figured the baby more like 4 months. So tiny, and unable to sit, roll over, anything more than lay there. The other two were very tiny for their ages as well. She saw them through so many things including starting school for the older two. They have learning disablities. She spent countless hours reading with them, working on their abc's, numbers, etc. Those kids were a huge part of her family, included in everything. Her birth children think of them as siblings, no question. Her husband loves them as much as my friend does,and is fully involved in their lives.


    The years passed, and there was no indication these children would ever return to their family. They did have occasional visits with extended family members over the years. My friend is completely in love with each of them, and committed to caring for them for as many years as they needed her. At the beginning of the summer she got a call. Regular visits were going to start up for the children, with an aunt and uncle. Before school starts, the children would be moved. Today my friend and her husband took the children and all their belongings to their new home.


    It doesn't matter how aware we are that "our" kids have a family, and that reuniting them is the number one goal. The heartache is real, and nothing but time can make that go away.


    I and the other foster parents I am friends with are always hearing people say how they could never do what we do because they couldn't let these kids go. That saddens me. Actually, it makes we wonder if they think we are cold hearted people who don't feel emotion. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We are no less human. We cry when our kids leave our home. Our families grieve.


    It never gets easier. No matter if this is the first child you've loved and had to say goodbye to, or the hundredth. The emotions are the same, you don't get toughened up. We choose to share ourselves with children who need us, in spite of the pain we will feel down the road.


     

Comments (5)

  • That is sad.

  • You know Tigg, I often wonder if I could be a foster parent for that very reason - having a difficult time letting go.  But, I don't think that foster parents are cold-hearted when they let go.  I think it shows a greater love to be able to release, much like the Biblical story of the two women who fought over the same baby.  They both claimed the child as their own and when they couldn't decide, the priest told them to take a sword and cut the child in two.  One woman then said for the other woman to take the child.  The priest then determined she indeed was the mother because her love was so great she was willing to let go to save the child's life.

    I think you have been blessed with a warm, giant heart - to be able to give love freely and then let go when it's what's best for the child.  That is true love.

  • I ranted under your other post.  (hugs)

  • You are such a special woman, and your family is wonderful!  I am glad the babies had the love of your friend and her family, I can only hope that these children, and yours, know how lucky they are tohave so many people loving them.

  • Laura, you are such a special person!

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